Part 2: Verbal Communication

Structure allows for flexibility in a conver­sation. It may sound counterintuitive, but when you have a structured conversation in place for any type of medicine; general practice, emergency, specialty medicine, and even geriatric medicine, that structure will allow you to walk a family through a conversation confidently and competently and therefore provide space to adjust your­self to their wishes and concerns more eas­ily.

As we move through this discussion, remember that veterinary medicine these days is more like pediatrics than the “horse mechanics” we were generations ago. Pets are family now. They have moved from the barnyard to inside the home to our bed­room... and even under our sheets! A sur­vey conducted by the AVMA (AVMA 2012) found that of 63.2% of people surveyed considered their pets to be family mem­bers. Another 35.8% considered their pets to be pets or companions, and only the remaining 1% considered their pets to be property.

The Use of Pet Pronouns

The words we choose to use when describing pets must be reflective of the importance they hold in the family. Sure, some people may view their pet as “just a dog,” but those people will be only slightly offended by your endearing use of the word “baby,” as com­pared to the owner who refers to herself as “Charlie's mom,” who will be much more offended by the use of the pronoun “it”!

Through many discussions with thou­sands of veterinary professionals, it is the author's conclusion that about half of the veterinary team is willing to say the word “baby” when referring to a client's pet.

Along these same lines, we have adopted the use of “pet parent” in our practice but still generally use the word “owner” when refer­ring to the case among colleagues. Although “pet parent” may not seem preferable at first, the upside of a clinic conveying “we under­stand the importance of the pet in the family” is much more beneficial than risking the downside of appearing “cold” or “rude.” It's rare that someone is genuinely offended by the use of these overly “fluffy” words, even if it's not his/her first choice either. But with 84% ofpet owners referring to themselves as “mom” or “dad,” this doesn't seem too far off the mark (JAVMA 2000).

Tone of Voice

Cats and dogs both use different vocal tones at different times of stress, attraction, play seeking, or almost any other behavior. Humans also deepen their voice while mak­ing their speech sound “more pleasant” when talking to someone they find attractive. A recent study illustrated this point (Hughes, Farley, and Rhodes 2010):

We examined how individuals may change their voices when speaking to attractive versus unattractive individuals, and if it were possible for others to perceive these vocal changes. In addition, we examined if any concurrent physiological effects occurred when speaking with individuals who varied in physical attractiveness. We found that both sexes used a lower-pitched voice and showed a higher level of physi­ological arousal when speaking to the more attractive, opposite-sex target. Furthermore, independent raters evalu­ated the voice samples directed toward the attractive target (versus the unattractive target) as sounding more pleasant when the two voice samples from the same per­son presented had a reasonably perceptu­ally noticeable difference in pitch.

The idea of using a lower-pitched voice to influence others in a multitude of ways has been known for quite some time. Margaret Thatcher was known to have too “shrill” a voice at the beginning of her career; so much so that she was not allowed on party broad­casts. But before her election in 1979, she worked with a speech coach to help lower her pitch and develop her infamously calm, authoritative tone. Her biographer Charles Moore later wrote, “Soon the hectoring tones of the housewife gave way to softer notes and a smoothness that seldom cracked except under extreme provocation on the floor of the House of Commons” (Gardner 2014).

Aside from lowering the vocal tone, a com­mon mistake is the use of “upspeak.” A fre­quent mistake in women (though men can do this as well!), the offender ends every sen­tence on a higher note than the rest of the speech. Doing this makes everything that's said sound like a question and, most impor­tantly, gives up the confidence we wish to convey to our clients. Some professionals feel this kind of tone is very “California/Valley Girl,” with the perception that this speech pattern makes its users appear young, imma­ture, and overall uncertain. Instead of ending a statement on a high note (literally, not figu­ratively), try ending it on a consistent or even lower pitch (NOT softer) to convey a strong sense of confidence.

Salutations

We've all been there, the typical “hi, how are you” followed by the “great, how are you?” and then, it's really bad, one more “I'm great, how are you”.„and then you're lost. When responding to the customary “how are you?” find and use (and reuse!) a phrase that you really love: “loving life and living the dream!” or “this is the best day of my life” or “it couldn't be better, I get to play with animals all day!” Any of these will leave the client feel­ing happy (hopefully) and, at minimum, spark a curiosity in him/her that may lead to an interesting conversation.

Sounding Persuasive

Though there are hundreds of tips on sound­ing persuasive, we have chosen our top three: talk moderately fast, use just enough pitch, and use powerful pauses.

1) Rate of speech: Speaking at a regular rate, perhaps even moderately fast, has been shown to be positively correlated with perceived intelligence. “Interviewers who spoke moderately fast, at a rate of about 3.5 words per second, were much more successful at getting people to agree than either interviewers who talked very fast or very slowly,” said Jose Benki, a research investigator at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research (Swanbrow 2011). Throw in a bit of humor, and you have a recipe for winning someone over!

2) Pitch variation: Some researchers have shown that the more active the pitch and variation, the more energetic and engag­ing a person may appear. This isn't always the case, however: “We found only a marginal effect of variation in pitch by interviewers on success rates. It could be that variation in pitch could be helpful for some interviewers but for others, too much pitch variation sounds artificial, like people are trying too hard. So it back­fires and puts people off,” said Benki (Swanbrow 2011).

3) Powerful pauses: “When people are speaking, they naturally pause about 4 or 5 times a minute” according to Benki. “These pauses might be silent, or filled, but that rate seems to sound the most natural in this context. If interviewers made no pauses at all, they had the lowest success rates getting people to agree to do the survey. We think that's because they sound too scripted. People who pause too much are seen as disfluent. But it was interesting that even the most disfluent interviewers had higher success rates than those who were perfectly fluent (and did not use pauses).”

Particularly in a high-paced, knowledge-based profession like veterinary medicine, you are best to make your verbal deliveries with mini­mal variation, focusing instead on tone, include natural...steady...frequent...pauses!

Sounding Honest

In Alex Pentland's book Honest Signals: How They Shape Our World, the author points out a couple of things to keep your eye on (Pentland 2010):

1) Speech mimicry and behavioral mimicry: Are they using the same words you use? Speaking at a similar speed and tone? Are they sitting the way you sit? Is a subtle, unconscious game of follow-the-leader going on? This is a sign the other person feels emotionally in sync with you.

2) Consistency of emphasis and timing: This is a sign of focus and control. Someone who is less consistent is less sure of them­selves and more open to influence.

Win Them Over Again

If all else fails, what are two things you can do to win someone over? Robert Cialdini, author of the must-read book Influence, provides these important tips (Cialdini 1993):

1) Give honest compliments: It may not be easy, especially if the person has been dis­tancing him-∕herself from you for a while. But if you're objective, the other person probably has some qualities you admire. If you take positive action and compliment people, it may well break the ice and make them re-evaluate their perceptions of you.

2) Ask for their advice: Cialdini notes this strategy—which involves asking for pro­fessional advice, book suggestions, and so forth—comes from Founding Father Ben Franklin, a master of politics and relation­ship building. “Now you've engaged the rule of commitment and consistency,” says Cialdini, in which others look at their actions (giving you advice or a book) and draw a conclusion from it (they must actually like you), a surprisingly common phenomenon in psychology. “And sud­denly,” says Cialdini, “you have the basis of an interaction, because now when you return it, you can return it with a book you think he or she might like.”

Verbal communication is, indeed, extremely important in the communication we have with clients. The delivery, consistency, and accompanying nonverbal cues give the client the feeling that we are either listening and engaged or detached and uninterested. We have a choice, and with proper education, we can be in a better position to choose the best route for our patient, our client, and our team. Table 1.1 gives examples of average and ideal ways to express ourselves.